Not Mine to Love
by Jessie611
Summary: Chloe has to face her feelings for Jack and it breaks her heart.  Multichapter.
1. Chapter 1

Chloe switched the server mode before closing the front panel then turned on her heel and made her way to leave the tech room just as the automatic door opened. She smiled as she heard the familiar low chuckle and was just about to call out to him, to ask him what was making him laugh when an accompanying giggle reached her ears; a giggle that certainly didn't belong to Jack Bauer.

Chloe swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and retreated to the shadows behind her, not wanting to be seen. The only problem with her current course of action was that it kept her in the room with them. She screwed her eyes shut tight as she heard the sounds of them kissing passionately. She still hadn't figured out who the woman was and a part of her just didn't want to know. She felt as though her heart was breaking.

"Soooo," came the sultry tone of the woman, "you want a repeat of last night?"

Chloe couldn't make out his whispered response, mainly because of the blood rushing through her ears at that moment. She recognised the voice as that of the new addition to the admin team. She couldn't recall her name but she recalled quite clearly that she was blonde, sophisticated and beautiful; everything that Chloe was not. She blinked back the tears that were forming in her eyes, determined not to break down now.

"Come on," she heard Jack say, his voice low and sexy, "we need to get back to work."

"You didn't answer my question," the woman said.

It was then Chloe looked up and could make out the pair leaning against the door, the woman's arms were wrapped around his neck and his hands were planted firmly at her hips. Chloe felt her heart break a little bit more as she saw Jack lean in to brush his lips against the woman's.

"Sure. Sounds good," he said before turning and opening the door.

When they'd gone Chloe sagged against the wall and took several deep breaths. It would be so easy to give into the tears that threatened but that would mean having to explain her red eyes and blotchy face to anyone that cared to notice. Chloe O'Brian was not a pretty crier.

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She curled up on the couch under the blanket and tried to block out the world. She didn't know why she was so upset. It wasn't like he'd promised her anything. They were friends, nothing more, nothing less. He could sleep with whoever he wanted, it was none of her business. Just because he'd been spending more and more time with her didn't mean that he wanted more from her. She cursed her wishful heart for being so stupid.

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"Where's Chloe?" Jack asked Milo as he approached his work station.

"Sick," Milo responded distractedly.

"Sick? Chloe?" Jack asked in surprise.

Milo finally looked up from his screen. "Yeah," he said with a smile, "I know it doesn't seem like it sometimes but she is human you know."

Jack nodded but the concern remained etched on his face. "How long has she been off?" Jack had been out of town for a few days and had been working on an assignment that meant he hadn't been able to contact her.

"Most of the week."

"Has anyone checked on her?" Jack asked.

"I tried calling a couple of times but she didn't pick up."

"So you did what?" Jack growled.

"Um . . . nothing?" Milo replied, suddenly unsure.

"Dammit Milo," Jack bit out, "Did it not occur to you that she could be really sick?"

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Chloe sank down into the bath, the chilling water encompassing her slight frame but she'd barely noticed. The cold helped to numb her aching heart; that and the bottle of wine she'd consumed earlier that evening. She didn't even notice the pounding on her front door as she closed her eyes and withdrew further from the world.

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When Jack couldn't get a response from pounding on the door he dug around in his pocket searching for Chloe's spare key. He breathed a sigh of relief when his fingers came into contact with the cold metal and with trepidation he opened the door.

"Chloe?" he called out as he entered the darkened apartment.

His eyes narrowed as his gaze fell on the empty wine bottle sitting on the coffee table next to the couch. He scanned the rest of the room, noting the stack of papers strewn across the floor next to a broken vase. He called to her again as he gently nudged open her bedroom door. He felt panic grip him as he saw the room deserted, the bed unmade and the floor awash with clothes.

He quickly stepped out of the room and headed in the direction of the bathroom. The door was closed so he tapped gently, calling out to her through the wooden panelling. When he got no response he took a deep breath and turned the handle.

The windowless room was pitch black but he sensed her presence as soon as he entered. In a rush of activity he moved to turn on the light and gasped in shock at the sight of the pale, lifeless woman in the tub.

At first he thought she was dead, but as he dropped to his knees next to her he caught the steady rhythm of her breathing.

"Oh my god Chloe, what have you done?" he asked wretchedly.

His hand reached into the water and he jumped back when he felt the icy cold against his flesh. Moving quickly he reached in and gathered her into his arms, pulling her out and balancing her still body against him as he reached for a towel and wrapped it around her.

"Chloe," he whispered harshly, shaking her and trying to get her to open her eyes.

Her skin was icy cold and her breathing shallow. He pulled her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom, laying her carefully onto the bed. He reached for her pulse and breathed a heavy sigh when he felt it strong. Moving quickly he grabbed a second towel and started drying her damp hair before moving to her body. The rigour of his movements caused her to moan out loud and he felt a wave of relief wash over him.

Her eyelids fluttered open as he removed the damp towel from her body and wrapped the heavy blankets around her, tucking her in, in an attempt to get her warm.

"Shhh, it's okay," he whispered softly as she whimpered.

"Jack?" she choked, "what . . .?"

"It's okay Chloe," he said again reassuringly as he perched on the edge of the bed, his fingers brushing softly against her cheek.

"Cold."

He took in her shivering form and in a moment he was removing his damp shirt and climbing in beside her, knowing that the quickest way to get her warm was to use his own body heat. He slipped beneath the covers and dragged her into his chest pulling the blankets over them and wrapping his arms around her.

"Put your arms around me Chlo'," he whispered gently.

She hesitated a moment before doing as he said, her arms slowly inching around his shoulders so she was pressed tightly against him. Her mind was sluggish but she instantly felt his warmth seeping through her skin.

Jack took a shuddering breath and willed his body not to react to her skin pressed against his. His hand moved to stroke the back of her head as he encouraged her to relax against him. She buried her face in his neck and on a sudden wave of emotion the tears began to fall from her eyes.

Jack began gently rocking her as he felt her tears fall onto his skin.

"Oh Chloe," he whispered softly.

The soothing sounds coming from him just made her cry harder and soon she was shaking with pent up sobs. She felt his lips flutter against her brow as he continued to rock her, his hands running up and down her back soothingly.

Eventually she was warm and she slept.

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Jack lay with her warm body still pressed against him. He gazed into the darkness of the night, not wanting to let her go but struggling with the feel of her in his arms. He shifted slowly and carefully extricated himself from her grasp, hesitating slightly at the soft moan that escaped her lips.

He reached out and gently rolled her onto her other side before settling against her back, a far safer option for him than having her naked breasts pressed against him. He curled around her, his hand resting on her stomach.

He sighed as his mind refused to close off. So many possibilities came to him about why she had been like this, but only one rang true. He knew it was him and he knew there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it. He dropped a kiss to her shoulder and instantly regretted it as he felt her press into him. He was playing a dangerous game that come the morning would have to stop.


	2. Chapter 2

Chloe woke to bright sunlight shining through the blinds in her room. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Her mind was muddled but she recalled that he'd been here, that he'd stayed with her and she knew that although he was no longer beside her he wasn't very far away. As if on cue she heard her kitchen cupboards banging. She sighed as she knew she would have to face him.

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Jack had finished tidying her apartment and was now hunting for something to feed her for breakfast. He'd put coffee on and had managed to find pancake mix in the cupboard. The only thing he'd had to go out for was milk and eggs.

He looked up as he saw a movement from the corner of his eye.

"Hey," he said gently, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he saw her standing in the bedroom doorway.

"Hey."

She was staring at him with a wide eyed look, her hair mussed and a blanket enveloping her body.

"You hungry?" he asked as he took the few brief steps towards her.

"Not really," she muttered, a frown on her face.

She flinched as he reached his hand out to touch her hair, it didn't go unnoticed but he chose to ignore it, smoothing down her wayward tresses and tucking a loose strand behind her ear.

"You need to eat Chlo'," he whispered.

She shrugged in response.

"Come on," he said after a moment's pause, "go put some clothes on and I'll fix you something."

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She was on her second cup of coffee but had only managed a couple of mouthfuls of breakfast. Jack was alternating between pottering around her kitchen and staring intently at her. He turned as she pushed the plate away from her.

"Can't manage anymore?" he asked simply.

She shook her head but was still unable to look at him. She heard him sigh as he moved to the chair next to her, turning it slightly so he sat facing her.

"Tell me what to do Chloe," he said softly.

"I can't," she whispered.

She blinked at the fresh tears stinging her eyes as his hand reached for hers.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"For what?" he asked.

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

"Tell me what did happen," he asked gently.

She took a deep breath and looked into his intense blue gaze for the first time. She shrugged her shoulders.

"It's stupid really."

"No it isn't. Tell me," he said, more demanding this time.

"I saw you," she replied.

"Saw me where?" he asked, his expression mirroring the confusion he felt.

"In . . . . in tech1, with . . . with . . .," she broke off unable to finish.

"Cindy," he provided for her, his eyes closing briefly as his worst fear was realised.

"Yeah."

She couldn't look at him, didn't want to see the expression he wore at that moment.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Don't be. It's not your fault."

His fingers toyed with hers absently, the pad of his thumb brushing gently against the palm of her hand. He stopped suddenly as a teardrop fell to his hand and, as he looked up he heard a small sob escape her lips.

He hesitated a moment before pulling her against him, but in the end he had no choice but to hold her, no choice but to try and help her even though he was the cause of her sorrow.

"I didn't mean to fall in love with you," she sobbed quietly into his chest.

"Shhh, it's okay Chloe, its okay," he whispered as he found himself again rocking her gently in his arms.

"It's not okay," she said, making a valiant attempt to stem the flow of tears, "I shouldn't have let it happen, I should have realised, then I might have been able to stop it."

Jack knew that whatever words came from his lips at that point they would never be enough so he chose to say nothing. Instead he continued to rock her in his arms, smoothing her hair and uttering nonsensical sounds in her ear. Eventually her tears subsided and she sat up, wiping her eyes and eyeing him with what could only be described as a look of despair.

"I'm so sorry Chloe," Jack whispered hoarsely.

"Not your fault," she said, her hand reaching out to grasp his fingers lightly.

His gaze dropped to the floor, unable to withstand her intensity. He wanted to reach out to her, to take that look from her face, to see one of her rare smiles that she always seemed to reserve for him. But he knew it was impossible. He'd never been able to hide from her, his only saving grace was his ability to hide from himself.

He squeezed her fingers in response to her touch.

"You know I do love you," he said softly, blinking against the rush of emotion that rolled over him.

He sensed rather than saw the nod of her head. "Just not in the same way," she whispered.

"No," he sighed before lifting his head and finding the courage to lock his gaze with hers, "not in the same way."

Chloe gave him a sad smile, "Please don't think this is your fault," she said.

He frowned intently at her. "Chloe . . . I would have done anything never to hurt you."

"I know that," she said softly.

"I wish that I . . . .,"

His words were cut off by her finger pressed lightly against his lips. "It's okay, you don't have to say anything," she said, giving him a look that spoke of her understanding.

He nodded slowly. That was the thing with the two of them, words were unnecessary; more than that, words would often create confusion that could be avoided with just a look or a silence that allowed for understanding and acceptance.

"It's just sex," he muttered suddenly.

Chloe was surprised at his admission, even though she knew it to be the truth. She nodded slowly.

"It's okay, you don't have to explain Jack, really."

"I do have to explain Chloe," he growled, irritated by himself but not by her. "It's not love, it's sex. Nameless, faceless sex mostly. With you it's love."

"And never combine the two," she whispered, staring at their still clasped hands.

He felt his breath catch in his throat and looked at her blinkingly. Even now, after all this time she was able to surprise him with how she understood about him. For a moment he felt like all kinds of fool, here he was sitting with a woman who understood him more than anyone before; a woman who loved him because of who he was, warts and all. And all he could do was give her excuses as to why he couldn't love her in the way that she deserved.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, the words sounding broken.

"Yeah," she said softly, "me too. But I understand."

"You always have done Chlo', that's what makes this so hard."

They sat in silence for several minutes, each of them lost in their own thoughts. It was Jack who broke the silence.

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

Chloe shrugged her shoulders lightly before extricating her hand from his and walking towards the window. She looked out towards the street in her quiet neighbourhood, her eyes taking in the peace and tranquillity that surrounded her home. It seemed strange that everything was carrying on as normal when everything in her world had shifted on its axis during the past week.

"You're going to leave aren't you?" he whispered from behind her.

She spun around on her heel, "Everything's changed," she said quietly, her eyes scanning his features and seeing his pain staring back at her, "I don't want it to be that way but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Oh god," he whispered harshly, suddenly realising that she was slipping away from him. He felt his heart shattering and breaking into tiny pieces. Everything he'd tried so hard to avoid happening now seemed inevitable in the face of her admission.

"Don't," she whispered, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around him, "please don't," she begged.

"I don't want you to go, I don't want you to leave me," he said, burying his face in her hair.

He could smell the warmth of her, the familiarity that toyed with his senses and confused him. A sudden thought came to him, an idea that was only half formed. Maybe he could do this, maybe he could keep her with him. He pulled back and searched her face, his fingers moving to tangle in her hair. He saw the confusion come into her expression but he ignored it. He had one goal and one goal only; to keep her with him.

Chloe saw his expression change. The despair left him to suddenly be replaced by hope. That was her last thought; her last realisation before his lips came crashing to hers.

His kiss was instantly deep, his tongue invading her mouth and his touch controlling her senses, distorting her mind until all she could do was feel, all she could do was respond to him. He heard her moan at the same time as her body sank fluidly against him. Then he was backing her up against the wall, pushing her until she felt the cool, smooth surface penetrate the thin cotton of her shirt. It was enough to force her to her senses.

She dragged her mouth from his, taking in his harsh breathing. "Jack," she whispered, "we can't."

"We can," he replied, leaning in and kissing her again.

Chloe pushed at his chest until he had no choice but to reluctantly drag his lips from hers. There was a desperation emanating from him as he growled in frustration and tried to touch her again.

"Jack! No," she pleaded.

"Yes," he said, grabbing her hips and pulling her up against him.

As much as she wanted him she tired to resist, knowing that this would just make things harder for both of them. His mouth trailed down her neck in a desperate attempt to get her to change her mind. His breath came in short bursts as his lips once again captured hers. Their open mouths fused and short puffs of air mingled from each of them. Chloe couldn't help but lean into him once more, wanting to prolong his touch, wanting this moment to last. But she knew it was impossible, she knew it was wrong.

She pulled back from him and, ignoring his obvious desired for him she pushed harshly at his chest, forcing him to stumble back from her. Within seconds she was over the other side of the room, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible.

"Chloe please," he practically begged, "I'll do anything you want. Please, I don't want to lose you."

Chloe blinked away the tears that had come to her eyes. She knew she had to stay strong in the face of his apparent weakness.

"I don't want this just because you want to keep me here. Either you want me or you don't Jack. And you don't. You can't. This isn't real."

Jack moved to the couch and dropped into it, his face buried in his hands. "I'm sorry," he whispered harshly.

Chloe's heart ached at the broken tone of his voice and she moved to drop to her knees in front of him. She took his hands in hers and pulled them away from his face, her heart tearing a little at the tears she saw shimmering in his eyes.

"We can't go there, not now," she said, "I don't want to leave but I don't want you just because you don't want to lose me. I deserve better than that Jack," she whispered, "I'm not leaving you, but I do need some time away just to straighten my head out. I will always be here when you need me though. Always," she promised.

As hard as it was she knew she needed to stay strong. She saw the realisation flit across his features and her hands moved to cradle his face, her thumbs brushing lightly against his cheeks. He sighed and moved his face so that his lips brushed her palm. She smiled weakly at him and he nodded, his agreement forced but it was there.

"Okay," he nodded, "I'll do what you want."

"I want you to find a way to be happy," she said in response.

"I don't think that's possible," he whispered, drawing his hands along her arms until he grasped her wrists, pulling them from him before tugging her into his chest.

They held each other, both trying to stave off the inevitable. Eventually he pulled back and, tugging her hand he pulled them both up to stand facing each other.

"Where will you go?" he asked, his expression softening as he looked into her eyes.

"I'll probably go see Chase," she replied and he nodded.

"I should leave," he whispered reluctantly.

She nodded, "Yeah."

He pulled her into his arms and squeezed her tightly for a moment. "If you need me," he said, knowing there was no need to finish the sentence.

"Yeah," she said with a small smile, "You too."

His thumb brushed against the downy skin of her cheek and he blinked before shaking his head, trying to force himself to leave.

"I'll see you," he whispered, his brow resting against hers for a moment.

"See you," she replied.

And then he was gone.


End file.
